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Episode 2579
Episode 2579 is the final episode of the Drunken Peasants. It was released in 2071, 57 years after the first episode. Its episode number should have been used years before, but many episodes were cancelled due to Monica and the 2 half-Canadian sons she had with Scotty. Scotty could never truly love them, and he abused them every night. Highlights * G Man moved into a nursing home while this episode took place due to rapping too hard. * Ben may have dementia. * Cyber-Scotty revealed his deep passionate lust for eggs. * Ben made the first Garfield the Cat joke in over fifty years because it was a Monday. * Jesus Christ comes out as gay. Videos Played # DOG BARKING [12 Hours Sound Effect] # Episode 238 of The Drunken Peasants Podcast # Algerian War Proclamation # Hitler vows to help Gail find Waldo # Vigilant Christian Deathbed Cam! # Justin Bieber Dies At the Age of 77 and 5,402 Fangirls Take Their Lives # Joshua Feuerstein "Christian Holocaust still coming" # Robocop shoots unarmed alien teen # Obama's Jesuit clone to discuss peace terms with Quertzarylltxon Empire # Derek Savage Vs Ryan Delaney # Dusty's Confederate Speech # Lover's Theme during the sex acts between [[Paul's Ego] and Mr. Repzion] # Paul eating his own cock # Nightcore - Operator [played on repeat for five hours during "Naptime With the Peasants"] # I'll Always Love You, Jaclyn # Final Words On My Garage # The 'Go Fuck Yourself' Machine! - Available Now at $599.99! # E-Z Cracker # Big Rigs Re-release Trailer Start of the Show TJ, Ben, Scotty Cena and Cyber-Scotty (Scotty was forced to take a robot body as his body was crushed after being fucked by The Unfunny Comedian) began the show by riding in on Hendo hoverboards while eating GMO-free McDonald's (GMOs were banned after the resulting canosyphylaids outbreak). TJ made silly faces for ten mintues, since that is, of course, most of all he can do after the stroke. However, he is now more charismatic and eloquent than ever, and is now unable to rock back and forth. The peasants bring on Paul then start videos with the Troll Or Not A Troll segment, which featured a video of 12 hours of barking. It was so poetic that the clip was unanimously declared Not A Troll 3 seconds in. Next, the hosts played a video about the new war in Algeria as president for life, Donald Trump had stolen Zack Knight's position of leader of the Jesuits and instructed his new army to invade Europe. Trump states this is only the first part of his plan to attack Brett Keane's family, as they are unprotected since Brett died of a particular Burger-induced heart attack situation. Trump vows to do as much as he can during his time in office, as he lost the last 13 elections to Wild Bill. They then discuss the Jesuits destruction of the Church of Gail and the massacre of all of Gail's men. The peasants were happy to announce that gTime Johnny had achieved immortality as a gTimer of the tech age and married Gail, promising to help her get revenge and defeat the Jesuits. As the two were severely outnumbered and outgunned, gTime Johnny resurrected Adolf Hitler, who retook control over Germany and appointed Devon Tracey as his second in command, but when Hitler discovered Devon was a Jesuit spy, he had him executed. The peasants then play a video of Hitler vowing to help Gail find Waldo, who is still missing and has yet to be seen. Ben mentions that he saw Waldo get eaten by Hillary Clinton, who was proven to be a Reptilian by Secretary of State Alex Jones several years ago. They then moved on to the deathbed cam of The Vigilant Christian. His last words suggested that maybe everything wasn't satanic, which revealed that he was a member of the Illuminati all along. The next video was about Justin Bieber's death and the worldwide celebration. Afterwards, they moved on to a story about the movement for Asexual marriage, led by Caiden Cowger, succeeded in having a law passed allowing them to marry themselves. The peasants then played a video of Josh Flintstone warning us about the Christian Holocaust for the 500th time. Next was a news story of a Robocop shooting an unarmed alien teen. The story showed that this was not the first time Robocop has stepped out of line, as two week before, he shot Shirt Guy to death, mistaking him for a pedophile, but when it was discovered that Shirt Guy actually was a pedophile, Robocop was allowed to return to the police force. Cyber-Scotty remarked that he would have shot every unarmed alien teen within a 666ft radius. They played another story about Obama's Jesuit Clone and peace terms with the Quertzarylltxon Empire. In the middle of this video, Stevie attempted to sneak out of his cage in the basement, but was quickly whipped and put back. Middle of the Show The peasants then played a video of a speech given by Dusty Smith, the president of the new Confederate States of America. TJ comments that he knows Dusty doesn't believe the things said in his speech, and that Dusty is just taking advantage of the situation to fulfill his dream of having a haram of 12-year-old sex slaves. One of these slaves was Pupinia Stewart. All of the men under Dusty's command assumed she was a troll, with the exception of General Kinky Joe, who believed all the things she said were true. Kinky Joe came out to say a few words at the end of the speech but suffered a tragic Subway-induced heart attack trying to climb on stage. The next video was made by Derek Savage, who announced that he has taken down several of Ryan Delaney's Youtube videos on Brony porn, after Ryan claimed that the new My Little Pony movie, Fedoras are Magic, was better than Derek's new masterpiece: Cool Cat Murders the Kids and Drinks Their Blood. Ryan responded by breaking into Derek's house and killing him by sitting on top of him. Paul then brought out Mr. Repzion, who had been waiting in Paul's house until his cue. Mr. Repzion reveals that he was a reptilian all along, and Paul, after Ashley dumped him for Jim Ass, married him as human-reptile marriage has now been legalized due to the legislation passed by Senator Patrick Coleman. The two then consummate their marriage on air, resulting in Paul becoming enraged and eating his own cock as he could not bring Mr. Repzion to orgasm, despite the use of nipple clamps. Paul was rushed to the hospital while the rest of the peasants continued the show. However, Jim Ass, unsatisfied with just stealing Ashley from Paul by paying money, suicide bombed the hospital Paul was in, killing at least thirty thousand people. When Scotty Cena heard this, his response was a weak, "meh." The peasants then invited on G Man for the event fans have been waiting 57 years for: a rap battle between G Man and TJ. G Man went first, delivering a rap so powerful and beautiful that it not only defeated TJ before he even got the chance to respond, but also proved the existence of God. Unable to respond, TJ kicked off G Man, saying "Go back to Africa!". TJ then tells the viewers to like the video and then passes out while screaming "Audible Trial!". This starts their newest segment and greatest ever, "Naptime with The Peasants", which lasted several hours. End of the Show TJ woke up after having another racist screaming spasm in his sleep. The peasants decided that in honor of their late friend, Jaclyn Glenn, who had just passed away, that they would play one of the songs dedicated to her by her husband, the successful international musician known as Free Press Media. Cyber-Scotty states that while he enjoys the music of Free Press Media, he prefers the gangsta rap of The Beast, who's music became more popular after he became a famous model and proceeded to die drowning in pussy. TJ preferred the godly beats of Evan Lefavor, who recently ascended to heaven. They then invited Vadim Newquist Jr. on the show to talk about the whereabouts of Creationist Cat. When Vadim revealed that CC had converted to Islam and moved to the Middle East, the peasants kicked him off the show, as he was somehow more pathetic than his father. The peasants then played a video where Tommy Sotomayor's garage was destroyed by a group of angry white boys, led by Onision, who were mad that he fucked all the white bitches. After seeing this, he immediately killed himself by drowning in watermelons and race cards, cursing black women and trannies with his final breath. The Peasants commented on his Hello Kitty band-aids, T-shirt, hat, and condoms. Onision was also shown with a black eye, suggesting that he has suffered from abuse from his new boyfriend, Milo Yiannopoulos. Likely for using anecdotal evidence. After that, TJ brought up an article about Anita Sarkeesian's murder that reveals that the murderer was a stalker who was influenced by Ben's photo. Ben refused to comment. TJ then brought on his wife, Julia Banko (Canadian Atheist after reassignment surgery) and berated her for several minutes then kicked her off. They then decided to end off their show with Stupid Ads. Stupid Ads included such wacky products as: the fucking machine that doubles as a fleshlight which has only one function (to fuck itself), the new worldwide phenomena The E-Z Cracker, and the re-release trailer of Big Rigs. They were all being sold on a discount, which brought down the prices to $14.95. Right before the stream ended, Vegan Gains highjacked the feed and revealed that the Jesuits were not behind the destruction of the Church of Gail, he was. In this attack, Vegan Gains managed to commandeer the nukkakes that Gail's men had seized from the Jesuits. Vegan Gains then used the nukkakes to lead terrorist attacks, destroying all civilizations in the galaxy. This could have been prevented, as a week before, Frankie MacDonald had predicted the genocide, saying "it's gonna rain Jesuit semen, be prepared!", but this video wasn't played due to Cyber-Scotty's hate of Frankie. TJ, Ben, Cyber-Scotty and everyone else in the Milky Way drowned in Jesuit sperm. Although Vegan Gains himself died in the attack, he took pride in the fact that he had successfully cleansed the world of meat eaters. Luckily, Scotty Cena miraculously survived and made sure the episode was properly uploaded to YouTube. Quotes * "Incest was never really an option until I tried it." ''- Cyber-Scotty * ''"BRETT KEANE'S A NIGGER!" ''- TJ * ''"Maybe everything isn't satanic?" ''- The Vigilant Christian seconds before his death * ''"Any day now, guys." ''- Josh Feuerstein * ''"Were us conservatives wrong when we predicted the Mexican Invasion of America?" ''- Wild Bill for America * ''"The Second Holocaust was completely justified, so fuck you, Ben!" ''- Donald Trump * ''"Maybe communism wasn't a bad idea" - Alex Jones * "Black" - Devon Tracey's final words before his execution * "Listen, children. Cool Cat wants you to kill as many people as you can." ''- Derek Savage * ''"I mean, we were all shocked when it turned out Gail was right all along." - Cyber-Scotty * "If it wasn't for rape, I wouldn't be alive!" ''- Vadim Newquist Jr. * ''"The gay bomb was the best thing to happen this century." - TJ * "ALLAHU DINOAUR!" - Jim Ass's final words * "Für dich ,meine herzallerliebste Gail, such ich Waldo und rotte die Jesuiten,Juden und die Klone des fetten vergewaltigernegers Bubba aus." -Adolf Hitlers Vows towards Gail Trivia *England became a Muslim theocracy and elected Dawah Man as its leader after watching him drink his dad's sperm. His first law was to outlaw neckbeards, resulting in the executions of Thunderf00t and Sargon of Akkad. *Steve Shives, after several decades of complete agony, finally had his soul drained by his succubus wife, though he did die happy, as he had finally blocked literally everyone on Twitter. *Razorfist and AlphaOmegaSin had a fight to the death over whether Anime was shit or not. Alpha killed Razorfist, proving that anime is indeed a serious contribution to the entertainment medium. In the second round, Alpha was killed by wrestling world champion John Cena, proving that WWE Wrestling is the greatest form of entertainment.'''' * Ryan Wiley and Mercedes Carrera had their third child. No pictures were taken as Ryan wasn't sure if the baby had consented and didn't want to trigger him/her/them. Unknown to Ryan, the children were actually Tim Black's, but he never questioned why his kids were half black because he didn't want his landlord Laci Green to kill him for being racist. * PZ Myers comes back from the dead to lead a second wave of White Knights to destroy the Peasants, but his plan fell apart due to him being a corpse. The rest of the Knights got bored and ate Doritos. * Hugo and Jake of The Bible Reloaded escaped to the south to get farther away from the Mad Max post apocalyptic hell hole that is Canada. When traveling on foot they were murdered by Banditos tweaking on the marijuana in Illinois. * J.F became the World's Greatest Detective before getting tortured to death by Rebecca Watson for asking if she wanted coffee. * Caiden Cowger's head exploded after he tried to debate Matt Dillahunty. * Jenny McDermott finally manages a lucid thought and kills herself shortly after. * Jared Fogle was raped to death while in prison by Bubba the Black Jesuit. His body was found filled with shit. * Phil Robertson was eaten alive by a flock of gay ducks. Category:Drunken Peasants Episodes